sometimes, it’s a humming noise, like the background reverberation of other diners in an intimate restaurant.

other times it’s the window-rattling bass stacatto of a pimped out drive by, fading gently as it cruises on down the street.

lately, it’s been this piercing distress call. AHHH-OOOOOO-GA, AHHH-OOOOOO-GA, AHHH-OOOOOO-GA.

my biological clock is transmitting it’s message loud and clear. this evening i got teared up at a johnson and johnson commercial. the tag line was: a baby changes everything. aww geez.

i’ve managed to not have such maternalistic yearnings for several years now (some of my family would contend that i never possessed such feelings) and am curious as to why now. why when i’m getting settled into my routines, into MY life, and all that that entails. not that i’m living the fantasy, footloose life of a carefree, modern woman, but i have my ways. my routines. my schedules. me. me. and me. why disrupt the peaceful harmony that is my existence?

i see my friends and my sister with their children and it’s… well, it’s a nice place to visit, but that doesn’t mean i want to live there….

unless the child is asleep, there is no linear or uninterrupted adult time. everything…wait a minute, i’m not doing it justice…EVERYTHING revolves around baby. no hand wave, gurgle, drool drip, or bowel movement goes unnoticed. i’ve seen it happen with my own eyes. we were at a friend’s house where there were children present (all babies) and instantly, without so much as a word, the group became polarized. mommies and their progeny in one room, sperm donors in the other. i felt like such a poser hanging out in mommytown. i had no stretch marks to compare, no parenting pearls of wisdom to dole out, no breastfeeding-cracked-nipple horror story to outdo. me and my wombless wondertwin alicia high-tailed it to the safety of manville when a toddler snit-fit exploded over share-time gone awry.

don’t get me wrong. i love children and i especially love other people’s children. it’s just a hard adjustment to make when your party girls have all turned into pumpkins by 8 pm. not that i’m some party animal (darin and alicia used to call tony and i their “before 10 friends”), but the days of picking up and going out on a whim are soooooooo very over.

and maybe that’s why i’ve been putting a pillow over my ears lately. i know what kind of changes are imminent with parenthood.

that’s it. change.

change is so scary and permanent. i can’t get a refund on a kid, and i’m pretty sure there’s a strict exchange policy. but i know that the changes, mostly, are good. dirty diapers, teething, croup, 2 am feedings, and a lifetime of sleeplessness round out the cons short list; but the list of pros are many, which i’m sure all parents out there will attest to: hugs and kisses, bedtime stories, checking for monsters under the bed, and snuggles, just to name a few.

so basically, i’m preparing for the inevitable, and i’ve got my rose-colored safety goggles on stand-by, just in case. so mom, if you’re reading this, don’t throw in the towel just yet; i’m going to need it someday to wipe the puke off my shirt.