this weekend we back to our old stomping grounds of columbia. some good friends of ours moved back there, so now we had another reason to visit.

we hit our favorite haunts. campus, the quad, the bookstore, and, of course, flat branch. mmmm. flat branch. who knew heaven could be encased in a sandwich called “the hobgobbler”?

the fact that time marches on and things ultimately do change hit me when i was looking for the aforementioned sandwich and it wasn’t on the menu. for seven years it had been on the menu. leave for one and it suddenly disappears? i was sad. but then the waitress told us we could still order it regardless. i felt mostly right with the world once again.

that’s the thing about places you leave. you have certain expectations that the ol’ place is frozen in time, patiently waiting for you to make your grand return, stuck on pause until you once again walk its streets. but that just ain’t so. old nightclubs turn into furniture stores, old liquor stores get torn down and turn into mob-front dance clubs, kmarts turn into hobby lobbys, and hobgobblers get taken off menus. nothing stays the same and nothing is sacred.

it’s like the time i came home one break from college and my mother decided to go blonde. really, really blonde. i didn’t recognize her when she had her back to me and when she turned around, i still couldn’t quite figure out who she was. she looked familiar….

that’s how columbia was. it looked familiar, but it wasn’t the same. it wasn’t the same place i had grown up in for seven years of my life. the place i started out my marriage, finished my degree, then my other degree, and started my career. it was different and so was i.

and that was okay. it was good to visit. i’m glad we went, but then i was glad to get home and take my memories with me.

fargo’s licking himself at the moment. again. you’d think for someone who spends so much time on cleaning his groin, it would be sparkly clean. not so.

and his breath. ugh. reason #52 why i’m going to brush his teeth this weekend. how excited do you think he’ll be about that? probably not much.

this is the most activity he’s had in the last ten hours. he’s probably exhausted. when we leave for work, he creeps up to his new spot. the third floor.

the freakin’ third floor guest bed is my dog’s new hang out. there’s nothing about the words “third floor” that screams “guard dog,” is there? i didn’t think so. so while we slave away at our jobs, our little precious is wallering all over the down comforty goodness of the guest bed. i apologize to all future guests, in advance.

if you can imagine his daily schedule, i’m sure it looks somthing like this:

7:00–go to the bathroom and wander aimlessly in the yard until female provider yells at me
7:05–eat grass until female provider yells at me again
7:07–poop and then race inside
7:08-10–beg for cereal leftovers from female provider
7:11–realize there’s nothing interesting in my bowls and head upstairs to watch male provider sleep in
7:12-30–spoon with male provider until he shuts off the snooze alarm
7:30-45–lick self on male provider’s pillow
7:45–get kicked out of providers’ bedroom and stare blankly at male provider while he puts the couch cushions up (bastard) and leaves house
7:46–look out female provider’s office window to make sure male provider is leaving
7:47–watch male provider’s car drive away
7:48–creep up to the guest room, jump on bed, execute one full turn, and curl up on left pillow
8:00–yawn and adjust head
10:30–wake up for a brief foot licking session
11:00–stop licking feet and move to blank area where testicles used to be
11:30–nibble on leg
11:32-2:30–sleep in middle of the bed
2:31–briefly raise one eye to listento the sound of the mailman drop off mail or a burglar trying to get into the house
2:32–both eyes open, no noise, must have been the mailman
2:33-4:45–chase squirrels and tennis balls, bite smaller dogs, and howl at nothing which wakes me up from dream because i’m really howling
4:47–food and shelter providers return and i wait until they find me on the bed until i get up.

all this on the third floor.

maybe that’s why humans like dogs so much. they represent the lifestyle we can only dream for ourselves. better living through sleeping and licking.

sign me up.