lately i’ve been having dreams. lots of dreams. every night, one or two vivid adventures of weirdness. last night was no different. sort of.

in my dream i had six nipples. six. and they were on this removable layer of skin, you know, so i could take them on and off at will. at one point in my dream i had them off and was a little freaked out at their appearance. i know, i know, big surprise. i kept trying, in my dream, to make them go back to two, shoving them together to no avail. total weirdness.

i definitely think this dream points to two issues. one, breastfeeding and self-image. breastfeeding ella has been really awesome and there’s nothing that can bring us any closer, literally. but i guess i’m feeling a little mammalian these days.

it’s funny how people do react to me breastfeeding. with friends, the boys will do anything not to make eye-contact while i’m feeding ella. it’s such a natural act, but most males seem uncomfortable by it. and believe me, i’m not whipping out my breast for all to see. i’m discreetly shielded by a blanket, as is baby. but this still is seems a little disconcerting to most male humans.

i’m mostly at ease with it these days. i don’t go out of my way to feed her in front of others. i’d rather be alone and do it. mostly because she makes these embarrassing slurping sounds then belches loudly when she’s done. i’m completely joking about that, by the way. but if it is just the two of us, it is less stressful and i don’t have to worry about other people and can solely concentrate on her.

it is a little weird being a food source, don’t get me wrong. i guess that’s the other part of my dream. being reduced to an udder is not a pretty thing so getting used to that aspect takes some adjusting. but when it’s time to feed her, she calms right down, puts her little hand on my chest and her eyes get drowsy. it’s soooo cute. of course, i could do without the after-burping spit-fest that my shirt becomes.

so if you do see me breastfeeding, try not to be too squemish. i promise not to flash my detachable udders.

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