my dog fargo is an exhibitionist.  he doesn’t seem like it when you first meet him.  he’s so quiet and chilled out you wouldn’t know he has a shameless streak.

of course, it’s not a cool talent that he likes to advertise, like frisbee catching or playing dead.  no, that’s for other lesser animals.  he’s into a more avant-garde form of public displays.

he likes to poop in front of people.   i think he actually holds it in until he knows he’ll get the best crowd.  i have many, many, many examples to cite for this theory.

why, just today i was walking down a major thoroughfare with fargo and just as we were walking past a coffee shop/hookah place with a small group of guys sitting at a table, fargo took a crap.  we were so far into our walk, i didn’t think it was possible, but i was proven wrong.  and the worst part of it is now that he’s pooped, do i go clean it up?  my leash was let out as far as it would go so that fargo’s audience couldn’t see me.  i was having a moral dilemma while waiting for him to finish crapping on the plant he chose in front of the window view of the people in the shop.  i usually ALWAYS pick up my dog’s doo, but this was too embarrassing.  i really didn’t want to have to mine for poop nuggets in front of a crowd of college boys, and i know i’m a horrible person for not picking up my dog’s crap, but the shame was too much.

another example:  we’re on another walk, he’s already pooped, and being the good owner i am, i’ve cleaned up the mess and have since disposed of my bag of dog poop.   by this time we’re on the last leg of our journey and just as we’re walking in front of a homeowner adjusting his christmas lights, fargo pauses.  he walks all the way down the flipping street to stop in front of the ONE house that has someone outside of it and takes a crap.  and OF COURSE i don’t have a bag because he’s already gone poop before.  stupid dog.  so as my dog is crapping all over this man’s yard, i toss out, “umm, excuse me, sir.  do you have a bag?”

silence.

“um, sir?  DO YOU HAVE A BAG?”  he goes on adjusting his reindeer and looks near where i’m trying to block the sight of my dog, and he mumbles something that sounds like “no.”  well, geez.  did he really not have a bag?  now, not only am i pissed at my dog, now i’m mad at the homeowner for not making eye contact with me and refusing me a bag.  i tried to do the right thing, but to no avail.

i’m sure there’s a lesson in here about humility or always being prepared, but i’m not really ready for that quite yet.  for now i’ll practice my far-away-i’m-not-here-and-i-don’t-know-this-dog look on my face and crank up my ipod to drown out the yells.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 28th, 2008 at 8:02 pm and is filed under Rant-tastic. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.