a few weeks ago (okay, maybe it was a month and some), my charming cousin chris sent me a video of his brand new son dax.  little toes and fingers, big eyes, all things babywonderful.  the video of dax was such a nice surprise.  he’s the most recent addition to our extended family and one of the newest humans i know.  and he’s so tiny.  after a few years of toddler-hood, i forget how small babies start off as. and even though ella will soon turn four, i tend to still have a slightly skewed version of her in my head.

i was reminded of this when i was shoe shopping recently.  my task was a simple one:  find a new pair of tennis shoes for ella.  ones, this time, without lights or obnoxious animated princesses.  finding such a shoe is actually a little harder than it may seem.  there are a lot of ugly children’s tennis shoes out there competing for our dollars. 

i went to store after store after store.  i finally found a shoe that i liked, simple pink and white nikes.  now the hard part, finding her size.  i was convinced of her shoe size.  she’s an eight.  so after four stores, i found the right shoe and the right size.  my daft hunting and gathering skills were put to good use, and i celebrated my victory. 

and then tony tried putting them on ella. 

“no, daddy!  these shoes hurt my feet!”  she howled.  now the problem with ella (one of several), is that when she rejects something, there’s little we can do to change her mind. 

“no, really ella.  they’re the right size.  just let me put them on correctly.”  tony wrestled with her to no avail.  “dawn!  i think you got the wrong size.”

“um, no i didn’t.  she wears an eight.”  in the meantime, ella is shrunk in the corner of the couch giving the stinkeye to me, tony, and the shoes.  after a quick coaxing/blackmailing session, we managed to convince ella to give it one more try. 

“OWWWW!  these shoes hurt!”

okay, so i finally got the picture.  she wasn’t just being a drama queen, her feet actually were in no way going to fit into the shoes i spent all afternoon finding.  back to the store for me.

but this was the hard part.  back in the store, i stood looking at the new size–9.  nine.  NINE!  it’s not a measly little eight, it’s practically as big as my foot!  it’s so huge.  surely my little baby can’t fit into a NINE!  i called home just to double check.

“it’s a nine; get over it,” says tony.

ugh.  it was a nine.  her foot fit perfectly.  she is the big kid i don’t want her to be.  she’s growing up, getting bigger, and becoming more her, more ella.  it’s hard to reconcile that sometimes with the image of my sweet little baby ella i have firmly plastered in my mind. 

but that’s okay.  i’m learning to get over it.  and in the meantime, perhaps some mommy shoe shopping therapy will ease my mind….